Stress Management – Processing Our Emotions…

As men, life predisposes us to constantly thinking and solving problems. We are often
the go-to person when things need to be resolved at work or at home – we’re always
trying to fix things sometimes even before they need to be fixed. As a result, we’re
constantly in our heads, thinking. That’s all we know because that’s what we were
taught.

We become so logical in our processes, however we are checked-out and
disassociated with our body. Many of us grow up repressing our feelings because we
were told to be strong, that real men don’t cry, or real men aren’t scared of anything. We
learned from the world around us that men should be able to manage absolutely
everything that comes our way, and that saying we need help, showing an emotion like
sadness or speaking our true feelings – if we even know what they are – are all signs of
weakness.

In order to be more integrated and be able to connect with our inner wisdom, our
authenticity, to connect with others deeply and unravel our full potential as men we need
to learn how to process our emotions.

We need to be able to just be. We need to be able to sit with those feelings that live in
our bodies and the thoughts that live in our heads, shine the light on them.
We need to learn how to embody these feelings, process them, and let them move
through us rather than hold them hidden inside.

When we do this, we create more space for ourselves and we give ourselves
permission to let go. This allows us to become more aware of our states and not get
caught up in the stress response.

In the meantime, here is a guide to help process your emotions – how to actually feel
your feelings.

What are emotions?

Emotions are essentially the language of your body – your body’s way of giving feedback on
what you’re experiencing and how your body feels. Emotions both move the body and inform
the mind, offering us a mind-body response.

They communicate our needs and what’s important to us – sometimes the intensity of a specific
emotion will relate to how much the issue matters to us. Emotions create action and help to
guide the decisions we make, while also connecting us to ourselves and others.

Why we shouldn’t suppress them:
When we push our emotions away, we get disconnected from not only what we need, but from
what others may need from us as well.
As Jay Shetty says, “Don’t ignore or suppress your feelings. Identify them. Only then can you
move forward with clarity and purpose.”

A lot of times, we get disconnected when our emotions get enlarged and overly intensified –
what I like to call add-ons. For example, we feel mad at someone, then we feel ashamed that
we feel so mad, then we feel sad that we’re so mad, and that sadness turns into resentment,
resentment turns into anger again…it can be an endless cycle.

These beliefs play a big part in how we do, or don’t, express and process our feelings and
ultimately bring us further from the goal of the emotion in the first place. Rather than receiving
the communication from the body and letting it pass through, we can get stuck in a swirl of
thoughts that keep the emotion churning for hours, days, or even years.

People with higher rates of negative beliefs about emotions often experienced greater feelings
of depression, while those who believe that emotions are generally helpful tend to recover better
from hard feelings – often preventing them from falling into depression and anxiety.

The ability to manage difficult emotions is also tied to better mental health, memory, decisions,
and general wellbeing.